Chapter 018. The 21-Year-Old Princess (7)

 

Sionne waited for Rosalyn in front of her door. She had told him not to, but he figured it would make him seem more pitiful.

‘Ha…’

He was filled with conflicting emotions—self-loathing for what he was doing and an urgency to get closer to her. His mind was in turmoil, torn between these feelings.

He tapped the floor with the tip of his foot, lost in thought.

Tap, tap, tap. After a while, he heard the sound of Rosalyn climbing the stairs.

“You’ve arrived.”

Sionne straightened up from where he had been leaning against the wall and greeted her, like a dog greeting its owner.

“Have you been waiting here the whole time?”

Rosalyn looked at Sionne standing in front of her door, her expression one of mild distaste.

“Yes, I’ve been waiting. But…”

Sionne trailed off and took a step closer to Rosalyn.

His long fingers hovered near Rosalyn’s face, just barely brushing the area around her eyes. Gently, his fingers moved to rub beneath her eyes.

“You look tired. Didn’t you sleep again last night?”

He asked with apparent concern, adding that, since they lived in adjacent rooms, he couldn’t help but worry.

“Sionne Feitan.”

Rosalyn immediately grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away.

“How many times have I told you? Don’t do things like this.”

She was taken aback by the sudden intimacy, but irritation quickly followed.

Why had she so easily discarded her comrades, with whom she had shared life and death, but coddled this man?

Why didn’t seeing the knights of the conquest unit stir any memories?

‘This is the worst.’

The more dissatisfied she became with herself, the more uncomfortable she felt around Sionne Feitan.

“I’ve been wondering for a while now—why did you become my lover?”

“……”

“Wouldn’t it have been more honorable to die than become the lover of the enemy?”

The truth was, the criticism was meant for her 28-year-old self. But that person no longer existed.

As a result, the question was unfairly directed at someone else.

“To clarify once more, unless I regain my memory, our relationship is over.”

There was never a relationship to end, but Sionne listened quietly to Rosalyn’s words.

“Stop doing this from now on. Go back for today.”

It was when Rosalyn turned her back on Sionne that a large hand grabbed her by the hand.

“You’re always so one-sided. Are you planning to erase the past just because you don’t want to take responsibility?”

Sionne’s low voice struck at Rosalyn’s selfishness.

“Don’t run away. I’m not finished yet.”

His slightly cold hand didn’t just grab her hand. Boldly, he pressed down on her wrist.

“Sionne Feitan.”

Rosalyn, flustered, quickly pulled her hand away.

“Even if you’re not finished, if I’m done, then it’s over.”

She coldly spat out the words. Though she felt a twinge of guilt, she had no intention of accepting Sionne Feitan.

If that was the case, it was better to push him away even more harshly.

“……”

Sionne lowered his gaze. At the end of his pitiful gaze, their hands were still intertwined.

“By the way, do you know you’re trembling a lot?”

“What?”

Rosalyn was taken aback by his sudden remark.

“Where exactly do you think my words were going?”

She snapped at him, frustrated that the conversation seemed to be going in circles.

“I’m telling you not to say things like that, Prince.”

“Ah… I misspoke.”

Hearing her angry voice, Sionne raised his head. Shaking his head, he clarified that wasn’t what he meant.

“What I meant is that ‘your’ hands are trembling.”

He had noticed before that her hands trembled occasionally, but today it was worse.

“Let me check for a moment.”

Sionne lifted his hand to gently touch the area below Rosalyn’s ear. He found the spot where her pulse beat and pressed down lightly with his fingers.

‘This isn’t normal.’

The erratic pulsing was clearly different from that of a healthy person.

‘Her breathing is hurried and rough too.’

Their proximity was so close that they could almost feel each other’s breath. Sionne could tell that Rosalyn’s breathing was uneven.

Smack!

Rosalyn forcefully knocked Sionne’s hand away.

She couldn’t believe she had so easily exposed her vulnerability. Over the past few days, she had felt that her body was not responding as swiftly as it should.

“Get away from me right now.”

Rosalyn ordered sharply. She was embarrassed that she had misunderstood his words, and frustrated by her lover’s intrusion.

Sionne quietly stepped back, increasing the distance between them. He had noticed why her condition seemed strange.

“You haven’t been drinking valerian tea, have you?”

“……”

“When did you stop? Don’t tell me you haven’t been drinking it since you woke up.”

* * *

“What, do I have to report to you now about what I eat and drink?”

Rosalyn crossed her arms, her tone mocking.

“But isn’t that something a doctor should do, not a lover?”

She didn’t answer Sionne’s question directly, but her reaction only confirmed his suspicions.

“Why aren’t you drinking it? The doctor must have told you not to stop all at once.”

“How do you know about my diagnosis?”

The atmosphere grew increasingly tense.

Rosalyn quickly ran through the list of people who could have leaked the information. Soldiers, maids, the doctor, her nurse…

“Who told you?”

“No one told me. I just know from seeing it often enough.”

Sionne cut off her suspicions before they could spread to anyone else.

“There aren’t many people who can endure the battlefield with a sound mind.”

In his memories of the battlefield, there were people who drank alcohol like water, and those who traded in forbidden substances and lost their heads for it.

In a place like that, valerian was sometimes even distributed in small amounts by the higher-ups.

“Valerian is known to have no side effects. But in your case, it’s different. If you’ve been taking it for a long time and suddenly stop, withdrawal symptoms are inevitable.”

“……”

“A competent doctor would naturally advise you to taper off gradually.”

“Tsk. It’s just a recommendation.”

Rosalyn clicked her tongue in frustration. She hated the situation of being lectured by her lover.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s impossible. Someone who drank three or four cups a day…”

“No.”

Rosalyn, her nerves frayed to the limit, stubbornly interrupted.

“That wasn’t me.”

In truth, it was harder for her to accept herself as the 28-year-old *Rosalyn de Anata* than anything else.

“Then, who was it?”

“That person no longer exists.”

It was the first time the composed and rational Rosalyn of the past 21 years had revealed her true feelings.

Her life, completely ruined. The more she learned about her 28-year-old self, the more pathetic and weak she appeared.

She had pretended not to care, but in reality, she wanted to deny it all.

“It’s unpleasant. Don’t lump me in with the weak people you’ve known.”

“What’s weak about it? It’s not weakness for someone to break when they’re no longer allowed to live as a human.”

Sionne immediately refuted her words. It wasn’t out of a desire to defend the pre-memory-loss Rosalyn.

“You no longer remember what it’s like to survive day by day by sacrificing others, do you?”

He was actually criticizing Rosalyn for having forgotten and living comfortably on her own.

‘This isn’t right.’

Sionne bit his tongue. He shouldn’t be saying this when he needed to sweet-talk her instead.

But he couldn’t stand her words, which felt like an insult to his comrades.

“You can’t call those who fought to protect something weak.”

Neither of them averted their eyes.

“…Maybe others are, as you say.”

After a moment, Rosalyn looked away and conceded.

“But I’m not.”

She clenched her fist as she spoke. It seemed like she was talking to Sionne, but in reality, she was speaking to herself.

“For 21 years, how do you think I lived? How much effort I put in? And you expect me to accept this as me?”

“……”

“Valerian, Anata, and you.”

Rosalyn clenched her fist tightly. The thought of all her past efforts brought a surge of frustration.

“There’s nothing left in my life that rewards me for all my efforts.”

She stared at her scarred hand as she spoke, suddenly finding it repulsive.

“So leave me alone, whether I quit valerian or not.”

Rosalyn walked past Sionne. As she opened the door, she muttered under her breath.

“It’s better than cutting everything off, especially for someone like you.”

Thud. Sionne’s expression hardened as he watched the door slowly close.

Her hand had been trembling even more than before.

‘If you’re going to be stubborn, at least hide it properly.’

As soon as the door shut, Sionne turned away, wanting to avoid seeing what he didn’t need to.