HPBUY Ch 149

If I truly hated her, I had countless opportunities to escape. Yet I couldn’t shake free because her presence had grown too large in my heart for far too long.

Even though the precious feelings eventually transformed into something else, it hardly mattered.

Even in moments of blazing anger toward Sienna, I never once thought about letting her go from my grasp.

“When you came to the imperial palace,” Sienna quietly murmured after a stretch of silence.

“You acted like I didn’t matter at all.”

“It wasn’t much different for you,” he replied with a brief laugh, his lips curving gently.

“Who was it standing alone on the terrace during parties, wearing that face that showed interest in absolutely no one?”

Sienna’s face flushed hot at his words.

“That was…”

She was about to explain it was merely a defense mechanism, inevitable when most people looked down on her. But after silently moving her lips, she pressed them firmly shut.

It felt petty to make excuses now. Besides, she’d missed the timing while mulling over his words a few times.

Though she had believed they would never be involved, she had unconsciously been aware of him. Could it be that he had been thinking the same?

The thought made her heart tingle strangely and heat rush to her face.

“…If that’s true, you’re an easier man than I thought.”

“Didn’t you know?” he responded coolly, his lips forming a crooked smile.

“Even if you had been standing there wearing a potato sack, the result would have been the same.”

Sienna’s eyes trembled chaotically at his casual remark. She felt her face burning, but fortunately, he didn’t seem to notice.

“I thought you found me detestable,” he muttered to himself.

Sienna blinked, momentarily flustered, moving her lips before pressing them shut again. The reality was different, but from his perspective, it made sense that he would think so.

But even now, it wasn’t easy to confess the ugly feelings of the past.

“I felt too ashamed, thinking I had ruined your life because of me.”

Despite her hesitation, he merely chuckled without saying anything more. Sienna spoke again in a calm voice.

“When you ignored everything I said and went off to war… I genuinely disliked you then.”

“…..”

“To be honest, I hated myself most for feeling that way about you.”

Though everyone had hated her for their own convenience, looking back, Sienna herself was no different. She blamed herself for all the reasons people found her unpleasant. Endless self-loathing had become a habitual part of her.

“Is that why you did that?” he suddenly asked.

Sienna easily understood what “that” referred to. Publicly, it was merely an accident, but between the two of them, it had become an unspoken taboo.

She stared into empty space before smiling bitterly.

“I was at my limit in many ways, Declan.”

The good moments had been too brief. Sienna had become deeply buried in those fleeting memories.

Even as the situation worsened, the thread of hope she couldn’t let go of was mercilessly severed the moment she heard all about the Grand Duke’s past from Marianne. Even her tenacious desire for life completely withered away.

When she fully understood all the coldness and contempt directed at her, she was left only with the urge to disappear.

As always, she found the source of misfortune within herself, and as the situation deteriorated, her self-hatred intensified. Growing proportionally with her resentment toward Declan, it eventually overwhelmed her completely.

She found herself most pathetic for not being able to give up on Declan even at the worst of times.

“Still, I never truly disliked you,” Sienna whispered in a barely audible voice. Even her repeated sharp responses had been because she loved him too deeply.

Declan, who had been resting his arm near Sienna, suddenly spoke.

“It’s fine to hate me, but don’t mistreat yourself.”

“…..”

“You’re not someone who deserves to be hated.”

The way he reached out to brush her hair back was remarkably affectionate. The dull ache in one side of her chest must have been because of that.

But she couldn’t understand why her eyes were growing misty from that warmth. Tears that had emerged before she realized it flowed down without any chance to suppress them.

Once they started, the tears wouldn’t easily stop. Sienna forgot her embarrassment and cried in his arms.

But strangely, she felt something that had been knotted inside her heart for so long becoming lighter.

****

Declan prepared to leave without having stayed even a full day. Because of this, Sienna came to see him off early in the morning.

Although Declan strongly objected, he didn’t seem to dislike that Sienna personally helped him dress and attentively cared for him.

Moreover, once they left the mansion together, his steps grew increasingly heavy.

“I wish I could stay by your side forever.”

“Please don’t do that.”

Sienna let out a short laugh.

“You know the longer you stay here, the worse the situation will get. I hate to say it, but that probably wouldn’t be good for my health either.”

Though she spoke it as a joke, it was nothing but the truth.

There was a time when she was happy that he had set aside everything he had achieved in the military to choose her side.

She felt a base pride that such a remarkable man had put down all his honors for her, trying to compensate for the inferiority complex of being shunned by crowds all her life.

Even after keeping him in her heart, nothing changed. Sienna always built her self-esteem by watching him give things up for her.

That’s why she harbored presumptuous resentment when he chose war over her, and felt terrible betrayal at the subtle distance that formed after Soliet was born.

Back then, she had no certainty and wanted to confirm his feelings even in such ways, but not anymore.

“This is not the place for you.”

Sienna was no longer afraid of time without him. Declan loves her. By now, that was a fact beyond doubt.

But unlike her bright appearance, Declan walked with heavy steps before quickly returning to her.

“I’ll come whenever I have time.”

Sienna, who had been looking at him curiously, soon smiled faintly. No sooner had she nodded in agreement than he added:

“I’ll send letters every day as well.”

Sienna nodded again. Still, Declan showed no intention of moving. He stared at her for a long time with a somewhat dissatisfied expression before meeting her eyes and strongly urging:

“If you need anything, contact me, not the king. If it’s money, we have more than enough rotting away over here.”

Sienna’s brow furrowed slightly at his words.

What if someone heard? His words toward the ruler of this land were somewhat disrespectful, especially given his position in Parma. Moreover, they didn’t even know his true identity.

Though at some distance, servants were standing not far away.

Sienna glanced cautiously, conscious of their presence, but he seemed determined not to back down until he received a proper answer.

“…Fine, now please go.”

As her face gradually turned red and she surrendered, Declan finally stepped back, satisfied.

Just then, a servant brought a horse and announced that preparations were complete. Now it was truly time to part.

The two shared quite a simple farewell. After a light kiss and a rather long embrace, he mounted his horse.

Holding the reins and looking down at her once more, Sienna waved. He kept his smile and waved back into the air in the same way.

This scene clearly had many differences from what she had dreamed of.

Not a normal family, and perhaps not even a morally acceptable relationship.

But the situation would never be the same as before. Many things had already changed from the past.

She herself was also different. The moment of separation was no longer unbearably depressing. Even without him, she now had the strength to protect herself. Though slight, it wasn’t frightening.

The relationship they had ultimately reached was far from an ideal form, but what of it? The answer they found was in itself the most perfect destination.

It didn’t matter if the future path they would take was rough and unstable. With just the belief that they existed somewhere in this world for each other, there would be no road they couldn’t traverse.

When he completely disappeared from sight, Sienna didn’t linger any longer and swiftly turned around. Her face showed no trace of the darkness typically seen in someone who had just bid farewell to a lover.

Rather, she looked more like someone returning from a satisfying date with a lover.

Her steps entering new grounds were remarkably light.