DS Chapter 21

Under the bright full moon.

Late into the night, Logan couldn’t sleep and kept patting me gently.

He stroked my back softly, caressed my hair, massaged my cheek, and kissed my palm. I lay quietly in his arms, feeling his tender touch.

“…Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I should.”

He added in a worried tone.

“We need to go for your check-up tomorrow. We’ve postponed it a few times already, and I don’t think we can delay it any longer.”

Why had we delayed the check-up? It was a routine thing. If they found anything, they could just give me additional treatment. I didn’t think much of it and nodded casually.

“Okay.”

“Don’t worry too much. You’ll be out soon.”

His voice was heavy, weighted with concern.

“…Yeah.”

I nodded as I held him tightly.

It was instinctual—I could feel it in my gut. The moment that feeling hit, it was like a cold wind blew through me from a dark forest where even the moonlight couldn’t reach.

The check-up tomorrow wouldn’t be just an ordinary examination. Depending on my condition… decisions might be made about what to do with me.

And that meant that this moment with Logan might not last forever.

***

The morning was like any other.

I woke up, went through a physical check-up, had my pulse and temperature taken, and got my injection. Then I sat at the table next to Logan.

The only difference today was that there were sausages and meat on my plate too.

“Meat?”

“You’ve always wanted it, right? Once in a while, it should be okay.”

I had always craved meat, my mouth watering at the sight of it during meals, but should I really be eating this when I had a check-up today?

I took a bite of the sausage, still feeling a bit bewildered. The juice burst in my mouth.

“Is it good?”

“Mmm… yeah, it’s good.”

I smiled brightly and nodded.

But honestly, it wasn’t that great. It was better than eating vegetables and potatoes, but it wasn’t delicious.

If potatoes felt like chewing dirt, then meat and sausage were like chewing on rubber bands or sponges.

It seemed I was meant to eat people. Specifically, I had grown used to the taste of Logan.

Having survived on nothing but his blood all this time, I realized as I ate the meat—I was a zombie who knew only Logan’s taste.

Still, I acted as though I was enjoying the meal, aware of his gaze on me. I exaggerated the smile and cut big pieces of meat, grinning as I ate.

“It’s really good. Thanks, Logan.”

“Do you want more?”

“No, I’m full after this.”

It seemed like watching me eat well gave Logan some comfort. As if by doing what he couldn’t for me before, he was relieving some of his guilt and finding solace.

‘It feels like a last meal for a death row inmate.’

That was just the feeling I had.

‘Logan must have finally given up on me. That’s why he’s letting me eat meat.’

Right now, it felt like Logan would do anything I asked. If I begged to drink his cum, he might even happily oblige. Honestly, I was tempted.

‘But I don’t want to sink that low.’

I held myself back. It was just a hunch for now, but if this really was the final moment, I didn’t want my last memory with Logan to be oral sex.

I kept up the act of enjoying the meal, cleaning the plate. Logan gave me a small smile as he watched, looking relieved and at ease.

I lowered my gaze. If I kept looking at him, I might start feeling attached to life again.

“When are we leaving?”

“We should leave soon. It takes a while to get to the research facility. I’ll just change my clothes.”

Logan cleared the table and went into the bedroom. I fiddled with the clothes I was wearing, my lips parting slightly. I was only wearing a plain white T-shirt.

‘I’ve only ever shown him myself looking like this… I should’ve asked him to find me nicer clothes so I could show him a better side of me.’

Regret lingered. I should’ve insisted on checking out the luxury store that time we visited the abandoned city.

If I’d found a decent, pretty outfit by chance, I could’ve shown him more than just this scruffy, bedraggled version of me.

Now, there wouldn’t be another chance. I felt a pang of sadness, knowing that in his memory, I’d only ever be a disgusting zombie or a ragged, emaciated figure.

“Let’s go.”

Logan came back to the living room and motioned for me to follow. He looked so tall and handsome, far more so than I could ever compare.

It made me feel strangely upset. For the first time, I found myself caring about my appearance.

“Shouldn’t I change clothes? There’ll be a lot of people at the facility…”

“Want me to get you a shirt?”

“Yeah…”

In the end, I threw on a musty-smelling shirt. It wasn’t Logan’s. It must’ve been one of the old clothes left in the abandoned closet for ages, forgotten—just like me.

* * *

It hadn’t been that long, but the research facility’s landscape felt unfamiliar.

The desolate plains surrounding it, the barren refugee tents, the barbed wire wrapped around the high walls. When I was discharged, I had been too out of it to notice, but now I could see that the zombie research facility looked more like a prison than a hospital.

‘It’s perfect for keeping zombies locked up.’

We passed the wide open field, parked the car, and entered the gray building.

Everything about this place scared and unsettled me, making my heart pound. I clung tightly to Logan’s hand, walking slowly. I knew I’d have to let go of his hand soon, but for now, it felt like he was my only lifeline.

“Why are you shaking so much? It’s just a check-up.”

“Yeah. I know.”

No matter how reassuring Logan tried to be, I couldn’t fully believe him. It was an animal instinct, a sense of doubt that had been growing in my heart since I saw that photo.

I feared that Logan, despite his tenderness and care, would eventually abandon me. The certainty that he’d leave behind the disgusting, horrible version of me one day.

I had already begun bracing myself for the crushing despair to come.

No matter how prepared I was, the pain would still be unbearable, but maybe it would help lessen the shock and betrayal just a little.

“Hold my hand tight. Don’t let go.”

“I’ve got you.”

We passed through the iron doors and into a brightly lit reception area.

“Wait here for a moment.”

Logan sat me down in one of the chairs and walked over to the desk, where he talked quietly with the nurse—who was armed.

From the long hallway, I heard strange cries. It was unmistakably the sound of zombies locked in their rooms.

Other unsettling noises filled the air, making my anxiety spike: hurried voices over the intercom, the beeping of heart monitors sounding alarms, the clatter of bed wheels rolling down the corridor.

I hunched my shoulders, looking around nervously, swallowing dryly.

‘I want to go home.’

I wanted to leave. I wanted to beg Logan to take me back, promising not to complain about food, not to snap at him for no reason, not to pester him to suck his cock anymore. I just wanted to go home.

Thud! Thud!! Boom!!

The pounding in my chest was so intense, it felt like the ground itself was shaking.

“Kylie? Kylie!”

Logan’s voice pulled me back to reality. He had returned after finishing up at reception, looking at me with concern.

“Huh, what? You’re back?”

“Are you okay? You’re sweating.”

“I’m fine. Really, I’m totally… normal.”

Whether I was “normal” or not would be revealed soon enough. What excuse would I make then?

Would Logan even believe my excuses? He would see right through my lies. He’d know I was pretending to be normal and would probably feel disgust and contempt.

“Logan.”

“What?”

Are you going to leave me here? Can’t we just go back home? Are you really going to abandon me? These resentful questions rose to my throat.

‘No, stop. Don’t make it worse.’

Logan had done more than enough for me. I couldn’t let my fear and panic guilt-trip him.

I decided I wasn’t going to say anything.

“What were you talking to that woman about? You’re not cheating on me, right?”

I ended up making a silly joke to hide my anxiety. I worried my smile looked awkward.

“Cheating? Please.”

Logan chuckled and sat down next to me.

“They said the check-up will take about three hours. There are around eight tests, so it might be a bit tiring.”

“Okay.”

“No matter how annoyed you get, try to be patient. Just behave for today, okay?”

He squeezed my hand and asked me to act calm—no strange behavior in front of the medical staff.

“Swear at me, punch me all you want when we’re at home. I don’t care. But here, just hold back, alright?”

His words made me lift my gaze slowly. When my eyes met Logan’s, my heart settled.

Like the gentle foam of a wave smoothing out the rough sand, my anxious heart calmed down.

Logan wasn’t planning to abandon me after all. He still hadn’t given up on me.

It was strange.

When I thought he would leave me, the fear and panic were suffocating. But now, knowing that Logan hadn’t given up on me, my fear of death disappeared.

I wasn’t scared anymore. I didn’t feel any bitterness. Even if I had to die, it was okay—because Logan hadn’t given up on me.

That alone made my life feel worthwhile. The scattered memories of those terrible times—they held some meaning after all. It hadn’t all been disgusting and horrible.

Whether I was meant to die or live, it didn’t matter anymore.

Logan hadn’t given up on me. To someone, I was worth holding onto. Isn’t that enough?

“Okay, I’ll behave.”

I nodded enthusiastically to ease his worry.

A nurse, armed with a gun, approached. I let go of Logan’s hand and followed her.

As I glanced back, I saw Logan watching me with a worried expression.

Just like that time long ago, when he succeeded in jumping to the next building and waved triumphantly, I shrugged my shoulders and waved back.

Just wait a little. I’ll be back soon.

I gave him the bravest farewell I could muster, and Logan smiled, reassured.

I was led into a cell with iron bars and given a restraining suit to wear.

The nurse watching me had a wary look in her eyes, and even as she handed me the clothes, one hand stayed on the grip of her gun.

I didn’t know why I had to wear a restraining suit when I’d been calm and acted like a normal person all along, but I remembered Logan’s words to behave and obediently put it on.

Once my limbs were bound, I lay down on the bed covered with white sheets.

I don’t know how long I lay there before a respirator was placed over my face. Shortly after, I felt the effects of a sedative gas. My mind grew foggy, and I couldn’t fight off the sleep that was overtaking me. I closed my eyes.

By the time I woke up, all the tests would be finished.

Then I’d hold Logan’s hand tightly, and we’d happily go back home.

Back to our safe and happy home…