DS Chapter 19

As I hit another climax, my eyes rolled back, and Logan came long and hard into my mouth. The intense pleasure made me tremble as I swallowed his cum, savoring the sensation.

‘Is this heaven…?’

My vision flashed white, and I felt like I had died from pleasure, arriving in heaven in a blissful daze. The ecstasy was so overwhelming that I could hardly stay conscious.

All the strength drained from my body. I didn’t even have the energy to move. As I lay trembling on top of him, Logan gently pulled me together.

He lifted me off him, sat me in the passenger seat, and even dressed me in the clothes that had been tossed to the floor. All I could do was catch my breath, leaving my limp body to him like a doll.

After buckling my seatbelt, Logan finally pulled up his pants. While he was getting dressed, I mumbled dumbly.

“…That was really amazing car sex.”

“I’m glad you liked it, but we should head back soon. I didn’t bring your shot, so it’s best to get home before evening.”

Would something really bad happen if I got the shot a little late? I wanted to go shopping at the luxury store, but seeing the seriousness in his eyes, I just nodded quietly.

“Let’s come back again next time. Maybe we can take it easy on the sex and have a proper date.”

It wasn’t like today was our only chance. We could always come back. The idea of having something to look forward to broke up the monotony of meaningless, aimless days.

Where should we go next weekend? What new place could I explore with Logan for sex? Thinking about it made the restrictive weekdays feel a little more bearable.

Logan glanced over at me and smiled brightly. His wide grin was absolutely beautiful.

“Yeah. Let’s come again.”

Thump. My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears. My cheeks and forehead burned as if I had a fever.

In the side mirror, I caught a glimpse of my own face—flushed red, like some lovesick girl.

In that moment, seeing my own expression, I realized I had fallen into a terrible fever. It had taken me this long to realize that this warmth I was feeling was love.

‘I thought I was smart.’

But only now was I figuring it out. Turns out I wasn’t smart at all—just pretending to be.

‘Logan must like me too, right?’

That’s why he hasn’t killed me, why he’s treated me and taken care of me, right? For the first time, I became intensely curious about his feelings, something I had never wondered about before.

Logan sharply turned the wheel, driving us out of the city. The scenery that we had lazily observed earlier now sped by in a blur.

It had been a casual outing, but it turned out to be better than I expected. No, it was the best.

* * *

A few days later, I gained a bit of freedom. After Logan left for work, I was allowed to roam around the living room.

Aside from my obsessive fixation on Logan’s scent and the intense euphoria I felt from his bodily fluids, I was quite normal. I could’ve been given this freedom earlier with no issues.

‘Maybe it’s not that the treatment isn’t complete, but that this was just my preference all along?’

I started to entertain these hopeful thoughts.

Today, I planned to clean the house. I wanted to scrub the sticky floors, sweep up the dust, and get rid of the cobwebs hanging from the windows and ceiling.

Logan would be surprised to see the clean house when he got home, right? If he saw that I had cleaned it myself, maybe he’d think I was fully recovered.

There might be messy zombies drooling everywhere, but there certainly aren’t any zombies who clean, right?

The thought of getting praise from Logan made me feel good. I grabbed a broom and mop and cheerfully started cleaning.

‘Who knew I’d ever enjoy cleaning?’

I’ve always been terrible at keeping things tidy. If my mom didn’t nag me, I’d rarely ever clean my room, so I never imagined I’d have a day like this.

‘Mom…’

Suddenly, I was reminded of her scolding me to clean, and my mood became somber.

I wasn’t trying to blame Logan for it, but I couldn’t help feeling sad and missing my mom.

‘It must’ve been an accident. Something that happened in a chaotic situation. If Logan had killed her like a murderer, she wouldn’t have asked him to take care of me with her dying breath.’

I recalled my mother’s final words to Logan. Swallowing the tears threatening to spill over, I promised myself that I’d get better, strong and healthy, for her to see from the sky.

‘No, wait. No. I don’t want her watching over me from the sky.’

The thought of Logan and me doing all those dirty things every day, and my mom possibly watching from above, made my head spin.

It’s just a figure of speech. There’s no way that’s really happening.

I brushed off the unnecessary panic, placing my hand over my chest as I quickly resumed sweeping. I needed to keep moving to shake off those intrusive thoughts.

I grimaced when I saw the shelf full of mouse droppings and dead flies. I closed it firmly, deciding never to open it again. I shoved broken, outdated appliances and shattered decorations into the storage room, out of sight, and poured bleach all over the grimy sink.

Most of the appliances and belongings in the house belonged to the previous owner, so Logan wouldn’t care if I tossed them. He hadn’t lived here long either, after all.

There wasn’t much I could do about the moldy wallpaper, the ceiling with holes, the ripped sofa, or the frayed curtains. But just clearing out the broken items and cleaning the dust and cobwebs made the place look somewhat livable.

By the time I finished tidying up the house, half the day had already passed. My limbs felt heavy, like they were soaked in water, and my body sagged with exhaustion.

‘I shouldn’t wear myself out cleaning. Logan will want to have sex when he gets home.’

No matter how tired I was, I couldn’t skip the most important part of my daily routine.

As I wiped down the table with a dry cloth one last time, something caught my eye.

“Huh?”

A photo, flipped upside down in the corner. I was about to throw it away, thinking it belonged to the previous owner, but then I realized the people in the picture were us.

It was a bit blurry, as if the focus was off, but it was clearly Logan and me.

The fact that I didn’t remember taking this photo meant it must have been taken when I was still a zombie.

“…”

As I stared at the picture, my expression darkened.

It wasn’t because of Logan. It was because of how I looked in the photo.

I had a muzzle strapped tightly over my mouth, both my hands were wrapped in bandages, so I couldn’t use my fingers, and, most strikingly, I had a collar around my neck. Naturally, the one holding the leash was Logan.

‘So, he really dragged me around like a dog.’

An indescribable feeling clenched in my throat. That subtle discomfort I’d felt at being treated like an animal finally made sense.

Should I be grateful that he kept me alive like this? Could I really say that living in such a pathetic state was better than death? Living like this, in such a miserable condition, was nothing short of a curse.

And… was this really love?

Maybe love would have been letting me rest in peace, killing me when I was still human.

Instead of keeping me alive as some pitiful creature just to ease his own guilt, wouldn’t real love have been granting me the dignity of dying as a person?

This was mockery. It was humiliation, a cruel insult to what I had become as a zombie.

My hands shook, and I dropped the photo. The image of my wretched, pitiful past fluttered to the floor.

I left the photo where it lay and turned away.

It felt like I was sinking into a swamp, the ground beneath me giving way with every step.

I wanted to hide. I wanted to run away from these disgusting, nauseating feelings.

‘But where could I go? Is there anywhere to escape to?’

I was trapped in a cage, like a pig penned in on all sides.

There was no place to run, no place to hide. I was like a dog, unable to leave the house without Logan’s permission.

My soul, my very being, felt crushed and crumpled like a discarded can. There was no way to stop the torrent of overwhelming emotions pouring down on me.

One question filled my spinning mind.

‘Why did you go to such lengths to keep me alive? I never asked you to save me.’

I resented Logan deeply for clinging to this cursed life and dragging me into the depths of this suffering.