Episode 5

I murmured absentmindedly, and suddenly, I felt wide awake.

‘Is something wrong?!’

“As?!”

I quickly opened As’s door and rushed inside.

It was truly fortunate I had given him a room on the same floor as mine.

“N-no… go… away…”

As was drenched in cold sweat, groaning as if trapped in a nightmare. His expression was filled with anguish.

“As! Wake up, As!”

“Nn…”

Even my shouting didn’t seem to rouse him. Desperate, I shook him, and slowly, his furrowed brows relaxed, and he opened his eyes.

“…A-inra?”

His red eyes, still clouded with sleep, blinked slowly.

For a brief moment, I saw Akes in those eyes, and I involuntarily flinched.

That’s when As’s eyes sharpened and became clearer.

“D-don’t come near me!”

“As…?”

“Don’t look at me!”

As crossed his arms over his face, as if trying to hide, his skin flushed red with embarrassment and sweat trickling down his cheeks and ears.

“I… I’m hideous right now…”

As mumbled incoherently.

His words were slurred, and his voice was broken, making it hard to understand what he was trying to say.

Worried he might be in danger, I reached out to him again.

“But, As—”

“Go…! Please, don’t come near me!”

As sobbed, his voice trembling as if he were on the verge of tears.

My heart wavered, but I realized that staying would only make things worse for him.

Slowly, I stepped back.

“…Alright, As, I’ll go, okay?”

“…”

“Breathe, alright?”

“…”

No response came from As.

Suppressing a sigh, I quietly closed the door behind me.

* * *

The door clicked shut.

Even after it closed, Akes—still panting and hiding his face behind his arms—slowly lowered them.

His cheeks were soaked with tears, and he roughly wiped them away with his sleeve.

“…”

It had been a long time since he last cried, and it seemed this young body couldn’t handle emotions as well as his adult self.

Looking down at his damp sleeve, Akes glanced toward the door where Ainra had exited.

…She won’t come back, will she?

He had shouted at her to go, to leave him alone.

It would be strange if she opened the door again.

“…Ha.”

He let out a sigh, almost like a sigh of defeat.

Suddenly, the emotions he had been suppressing for the past five years surged up, filling his chest with a sharp, aching pain.

It was a strange sadness that always seemed to surface whenever he thought of Ainra.

Clenching his teeth hard enough that a faint grinding sound echoed in the room, he gripped his chest, trying to suppress the overwhelming emotions.

“As, are you okay…?”

The moment he heard her voice again, his hand relaxed.

Akes unconsciously held his breath.

The single sentence that came from beyond the door had a surprisingly calming effect on my emotions.

“I know you told me to go, but I’m sorry. I was just worried… so I’ll stay here a little longer.”

“…”

“If anything happens or if you’re feeling unwell, call me right away, okay?”

Akes bit his lip at the sound of Ainra’s kind words.

He repeated her voice in his head over and over, then slowly lay down on his side, as if he were collapsing. His soft, black hair spread out over the white sheets, casting delicate lines across the fabric.

“…If you say things like that, it makes me feel like it’s okay for me to act selfishly.”

Akes mumbled to himself, his gaze falling slowly, a bitter smile playing on his lips.

“Ridiculous. What am I even…”

Why am I still here?

The faint smile that had lingered on his lips slowly faded away.

*Why.*

Did I want Ainra to leave a door open for me? Was I hoping to find some chance, some possibility?

And if I didn’t find any? If I realized there was no room for hope, not even a little?

What then?

*Would I try to force Ainra?*

“…Shut up.”

Akes spat the words out through gritted teeth.

“I’m not going to do anything.”

He repeated the phrase like a mantra, as if trying to brainwash himself.

No expectations, no pressure, nothing.

Nothing.

‘You wretched thing. Even I, your mother, feel disgusted when I see you. Do you really think anyone could love someone like you?’

‘You monster, get out of here! You are not my son. There’s no way something like you could be my child! Aaaaah—!’

The voices from his past, ones he had long dismissed as meaningless, resurfaced in Akes’ mind.

No one could ever truly love him. Even his parents, who had given him life, hadn’t been able to.

Sure, there were people who approached him for his family’s wealth or for the status his body’s appearance brought, but none of them truly cared about *him*. They didn’t count.

That had always been a basic fact to Akes.

Sometimes, he had used that fact to manipulate situations or set things in motion, but never once had he given it emotional meaning.

But when it came to Ainra, just the thought of her seeing him the same way made his chest ache.

“…”

When it came to Ainra, he couldn’t control himself.

Akes curled up into a ball, clenching his fists tightly.

This was an opportunity that had come out of nowhere—a chance to be close to Ainra, perhaps the last chance he would ever have.

He could leave anytime.

But Akes didn’t want to let go of this one and only opportunity.

So…

“…I won’t do anything.”

He would just stay close.

Have peaceful conversations with Ainra, drink tea with her.

Live alongside her daily life as long as this opportunity allowed.

His soft, self-assuring mutterings dissolved into the air.

Akes slowly closed his eyes.

And he stayed like that, waiting for his mind to clear.

* * *

Chapter 2. A Line Has Been Drawn

Birdsong filtered through the open window.

I woke up early and leisurely began preparing breakfast.

…Though the only reason I was up so early was because I hadn’t slept well the night before.

With a troubled expression, I moved on autopilot, my hands mechanically preparing the meal.

As the stew started to bubble, the savory smell filled the kitchen. Though the scent had a spicy kick, reminiscent of when I cooked ramen, I was too preoccupied with thoughts of As to notice.

‘Was it a nightmare? Does he have trauma? Or maybe he just hates showing his vulnerable side to others?’

It was impossible not to worry about As. After all, I was the one responsible for him until he regained his memory.

As I absentmindedly stirred the stew, lost in thought, I suddenly heard the light sound of footsteps behind me.

I quickly turned around.

“As, you’re up?”

I spoke as gently as I could.

As hesitated for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

“How are you feeling? Do you feel better now?”

I asked carefully, worried that just bringing it up might be hard for him.

As lowered his gaze.

“…I’m fine.”

His response was calm and quiet.

He looked better, and hearing him say he was okay helped release some of the tension I’d been carrying.

“Good, that’s a relief…”

Feeling a weight lift from my heart, I found myself smiling without even realizing it.

That’s when As, who had been silent until now, spoke again.

“…I told you before.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t smile at me.”

He repeated the words he had said the day before.

Instead of taking his words seriously or reflecting on them deeply, I shrugged playfully and replied with a grin.

“But I can’t help it! I just feel like smiling whenever I see you.”